[context: labor day weekend before the last week of our first block of third year. brosie is taking the dreaded surgery block and aaron is finishing up ob/gyn and peds.]
brosie: I feel like all I know about medicine right now is surgery.
aaron: I feel like all I know about medicine right now is the female genitalia and little kids.
brosie: …

aaron: ok i just encountered the most disturbing qbank question ever
brosie: HAHA
aaron: a 7 yr left handed boy … upon exam, …finds bruises in different stages of healing, all over the childs body. … notes cigarette burns on his left arm and bruises on his scrotum. … mother says he is very clumsy, falls all the time, burns himself with cigarrettes, and masturbates all the time.
brosie: LOL
brosie: i saw that one
brosie: i like the masturbate part
brosie: that’s funny
brosie: i mean NOT funny

brosie: i don’t get it, why is grade important? it says under gyn cytology that it’s not.
aaron: why are u looking at the cervical section?
brosie: huh?
aaron: its endometrial adenocarcinoma.
brosie: oh!! the endometrium! sorry, i get all the female anatomy mixed up.
aaron: it’s cuz your gay.

[context: recently on bentstreet: brosie encounters free cookies at a free lab equipment demo. today: we come in for another long day of studying at our med school.]

brosie: look! a chocolate chip cookie! who would throw away a chocolate chip cookie still wrapped?
aaron: [sarcastically] you’re right. it’s a crime against humanity.
brosie: [not listening] mmm it tastes good.
aaron: did you just take a cookie out of the trash can?

Faggot cell (see also here, and even cooler yet, in Japanese). Nice.

[studying sickle cell anemia and apparently one of the chronic organ damages can manifest as priapism]

brosie: oh look! priapism again… [pause] that’s so hot.
aaron: [silence]
brosie: oh good you didn’t hear me.

Great. Derm. Just what I need to see everyday: acne.

The medical specialty for you is…. Dermatology. Dermatology is the best of all specialties. As a dermatologist, you will be in one of the most competitive and restrictive fields in medicine. Patients will flock to you from all over for you to give them aloe and cortisone cream. You will swear to your non-dermatologist colleagues that the reason you went into the field is because you find rashes fascinating, you liar.To find out what specialty best fits your unique personality, go to:What Medical Specialty Is For You?

Just thought I’d share with you a case study we just studied. Hehehe.

A 25 year old college student traveled to central Africa a month ago. 3 weeks later, he developed stinging and burning on his arm. A couple of days later, he developed severe pain and noticed multiple lesions on his arm. Sites were very painful; developed fever, mild headache, decreased appetite. No numbness or tingling, no muscle weakness.

Answer: Myiasis.

A rather unpleasant boil with a little surprise in store. The Bot fly lays an egg under the skin and the larva dines out on your subcutaneous tissues, a reactive boil forms but the larva has formidable hooks which allow it to defeat efforts to remove it by squeezing. The technique for removal is to coat the area in a thick layer of Vaseline and wait for the fiend to come up for air!

(Emergency Medicine Journal Case of the Week)

aaron: what is the clinical triad for gonococcal arthritis?
brosie: tenosynovitis, dermatitis, … migratory polyarthritis.
aaron: it spells “TDM” if that helps you
brosie: if it was a “Y”, it could be “DYM,” like “Do Your Mom.”
aaron: [pause] you’re sick, you know that?

Thanks sailor *kiss*
Also see Top Ten Signs You’re In A Bad Hospital, and Top Ten Signs You’re a Bad Surgeon General.

David Letterman: Top Ten Signs Your Doctor Wants To Have Sex With You

10. “His name is Dr. Wilson–He hands you a prescription for ‘1,000 mg. of Dr. Wilson’”

9. “He takes your pulse by holding your ass”

8. “Examining table has vibrate function”

7. “Before examination, turns the skeleton around so you can be alone”

6. “Instead of anatomy chart, has life-size poster of him in his underpants”

5. “You don’t need a transplant, but he keeps offering you his organ”

4. “Schedules next appointment for midnight in his van”

3. “Asks you to undress, then asks you to put on a nurse’s uniform”

2. “He diagnoses you with an ‘acute lack of gettin’ bizzay’”

1. “Says it’s time for your injection, but he’s not holding a syringe”

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brosie: maybe he has a candida infection.

aaron: yea, maybe like candidemia

brosie: im pretty sure he doesn’t have oral thrush though. i would be able to feel it.

aaron: [shudder]

Is it bad that yours truly (a proud member of Future Doctors of America (TM)) laughed out loud as he was reading this?

random person: so my teacher said something funny today. he was saying that before they had airbags in cars, you could always tell what car people drove because they would show up to the hospital with the car logo imprinted on their chest when they got in an accident

Orgo is a challenging roadblock for many pre-med students. Check out this very recent exam from a certain university in the Midwest.

Aaron and I were studying yesterday about gastroenteritis (yes, diarrhea, GI tract infection. yes it’s gross shut up), and we’re listening to her ramble on about asking the patient detailed questions to get a good history. Then she says (these are her exact words) “and a careful sexual history is important for things like gay bowel disease…” The funny thing is, Aaron was the one who noticed what she said. We went back and listened to that sentence a couple times before we decided that WAS what she said. So we looked it up and apparently “gay bowel syndrome” did exist until the mid 90s as a diagnosis. Here are some definitions on the internet for that term:

Gay bowel syndrome: This term refers to a collection of sexually transmitted enteric infections in HIV infected homosexuals. The infective organisms include: Shigella, Giardia, Campylobacter-like organisms, Entamoeba, Chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis. (General Practice Notebook UK)

Gay bowel syndrome; noun. Intestinal disorders resulting from anal penetration: abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea in men who have incurred damage to the lower bowel and rectum as a result of anal penetration. (MSN Encarta)

It’s really interesting to see the historical remnants of the kind of bias that existed in medicine. Two articles from the 70s and 80s about this “disease.” Annals of Clinical and Laboratory Medicine (1976), and Annals of Emergency Medicine. (1980)

An article here about a gay rights activist, Michael Petrelis fighting to get rid of old medical terms that are derogatory here.

Wikipedia has a pretty balanced article on homosexuality and medicine here. A pretty extensive book about the issue here, called “Smearing the Queer.”

And just to get you guys riled up, here’s a ridiculous website dedicated to educating Christians on homosexuals and how dirty and evil they are here, with a specific article on gay bowel syndrome!

And I included a picture of two cute boys kissing just because I can. And it’s just too fucking cute. Look at them!

45.  The prevalence of autism is:
A.  1 in 100 live births
B.  3-5 per 10,000 live births
C.  1 in 50,000 live births
D.  None of the above

best possible answer is B or you can argue D. see why med school sucks?

Wish us luck!

it never ceases to amaze me how difficult med school really is. when i tell people, they’re always like “oh yea, med school, of course it’s tough. did you think they would let anyone be a doctor?”

but really. those people should try to live through just one month of 2nd year medical school and see if they couldnt be a little more sympathetic.

then there are all those malpractice suits. all those people who are suing the doctors should take one year of medical school. then they’d understand how human it is to err. all the stupid exceptions here and there and forcing you to memorize every intricate detail starts the drain the humanity out of you. pretty soon everyone becomes a number: 20% prevalence of this disease means that all i see in the clinic are patients complaining about that disease. its hard to be caring and idealistic. trust me medical school drains it out of you.

Doctors know best…

Sometimes it’s amazing how similar the drug names are:

Clonidine (a2 agonist) vs. Clozapine (2nd gen antipsychotic) vs. Clonazepam (benzo)
Piperdine vs. Piperizine (both 1st gen antipsychotic)
Chlorpromazine (1st gen antipsychotic) vs. Chlorpheniramine (antihistamine)
Imipenem (carbapenem antibiotic) vs. Imipramine (TCA)
Fluoxetine (prozac, SSRI) vs. Flumenazil (anti-benzo)

Naloxone vs. Naltrexone (both anti-narcotics)

And what’s up with a million versions of the same type of drug and all of its side effects huh?

e.g.

1) Phenothiazines: chlorpromazine, fluphenazine, Perphenazine, prochlorperazine,  thioridazine, trifluoperazine
2) Atypical antipsychotics: olanzipine, quetiapine,  risperadone, ziprasidone

AAAAH!! Soon I’ll need to take these myself.

Oh and get this, you can use anxiolytics, antidepressants for anxiety disorder.  But you can use antidepressants, antipsychotics and anticonvulsants for Parkinson’s.  And then you can use anticonvulsants for bipolar, and antipsychotics for long term.  OK now I’m confusing myself.